A Truth

What I yearn for, which is never forthcoming:

for my husband, my son David, and/or my son Kevin to tell me once, full hearted, with no-holds-back-trying-to-be-cool enthusiasm, but complete excitement and smiling eyes, 'I'm proud of you, Toni.' or 'I'm proud of you, Mom.'

I've wanted that from my dad, all my life.

I guess there's something I'm meant to learn in this life, and the 'teacher' is doing without the knowledge that anyone I love, whose approval I desperately want but don't feel actively, is proud of me.

The lesson, I'm sure, is that I must learn to provide that approval for myself.