Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Approval & Autonomy

At first read of Mom's email yesterday, I thought it made a lot of sense. But over the course of yesterday, with absolutely not one thing to do at work, I began to think beyond that outlook, in addition to it. And I decided excusing it doesn't work for me -- it's just another way of indulging what are, to me, thought patterns & ideas about women, about me, that I believe need to be broadened, opened, 'corrected', a different (my) perspective at least overlaid for consideration. To excuse it as 'love' isn't teaching my sons -- not about who I am, specifically, and that's something I want them to know. And, again, I DO NOT want to accept others' boundaries as my own if they aren't true to me. David and Kevin may decide they're ok with their disapproval & their reasons for it. But it's imperative to me that they know I disagree, and the particulars of my disagreement. It's sloppy thinking (mine & their's both) without that dialogue. They need to know something of my mechanisms for making decisions. And they seriously need to comprehend that I'm capable of making decisions for myself, that my communication with Bobby of those decisions is a courtesy also born of my desire that he know me, but not because I have to have permission or consent. (GOD! I find that offensive!)

After I told Bobby all this yesterday after work, he said, "Well, they're young. You know, I really wonder if they would have asked me the same thing." Doubt it, but maybe. Maybe.